A swift kick up the arse seems to work

*Appointment Alert, Appointment Alert*

After my previous appointment I was asked to be seen within the next six weeks (see I’m a Mutant), well six weeks later I thought I’d ring the hospital to see if they just weren’t going to tell me, or actually hadn’t booked an appointment. The answer was the later, oh the joy of NHS admin strikes again.

“I’m terribly sorry Sir, but Dr Singh didn’t have any space in her clinic six week after your appointment.”

“Did you think to put me in the next available clinic slot?”

“I can do that for you now Mr Bayliss”

“Ok, how long will this be?”

“6 WEEKS”

“Oh delightful, is six weeks just the go to amount of time for everything?”

“I don’t understand your point Mr Bayliss”

So I arrived at my appointment all hopeful of progress, at my last appointment I was told I would be referred to a geneticist specialising in dermatology to find out why I’m a mutant. I should have be having blood tests, to work out whether it was an exposure to a toxin like the turtles, a bite from a spider, or the fact I am actually called Kal-El and came here from Krypton, that has made me super special.

Alas it appears my doctor couldn’t be bother to do anything between appointments, even thought she had twice as long as she expected. SUPER. Sorry, to say she had done absolutely nothing is a bit harsh; she had text someone and was waiting for a response during my appointment, so you text them before I came in, Great.

Well to say I was unimpressed is a bit of an understatement, so I persuaded her that it was probably better to get on with this as I happily let every medic from here to timbucfuckingtoo prod, grope and harass me. I allow all my medical notes to be the Imperial University Medical Library, I must have had about 5 hours in the photo department over the years, don’t get me wrong I was in the waiting room for most of it. I am all for letting the doctors learn from me, but how about they do studies and experiments, rather than make me come for a chat about how they have done fuck all since I last saw them.

I tackled the conversation as politely as I could, on the inside I wanted to go apocalyptic on her ass, but I was very, “I think we should progress this with a bit more gusto” rather than “Oi MoFo you best get actioning some shizzy before I break my foot off in yo’ ass”.

My message was understood and the ball started rolling, suddenly I was being referred to the rheumatology department, I was booked into a “meeting of the minds” dermatology clinic within the month and was trotting off for a full body bone scan.

Just think if I had addressed this 5 years ago I could have had a book written about me.

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